Who knew demons could provide so much edification?

“He can be made to take a positive pleasure in the perception that the two sides of his life are inconsistent. This is done by exploiting his vanity. He can be taught to enjoy kneeling beside the grocer on Sunday just because he remembers that the grocer could not possibly understand the urbane and mocking world which he inhabited on Saturday evening; and contrariwise, to enjoy the bawdy and blasphemy over the coffee with these admirable friends all the more because he is aware of a ‘deeper’, ’spiritual’ world within him which they cannot understand. You see the idea—the wordly friends touch him on one side and grocer on the other, and he is the complete, balanced, complex man who sees round them all.” -Uncle Screwtape, Screwtape Letters, “Letter 10”

This is it; this is exactly where I call home. After a long day of playing the role of saint, I lay my head down any turn my pillow over to the side of the sinner. I have long been described as a bit of a social chameleon. This has the outstanding benefits of getting along with most people I choose to tolerate. On the right day I could be quite charming. This would last as long as I felt my morals were safe. The second they were violated, I would become quite abrasive and intolerable to be around. It was a constant check and balance system with my Christian morality as the standard.

This has become more and more relaxed over the past few years. It was so gradual that it has been realized only within the past few weeks and worded perfectly by C.S. Lewis over sixty years ago. Having my idealistic views skip across the pond until they finally drown isn’t an excuse to “lighten up”. Not being the only victim to idealistic thievery is also not an excuse, only upsetting.

Role theory basically says that by playing out a certain role, our mindset will eventually conform. C.S. Lewis said that “Humans eventually become what they pretend to be.” and the bible has numerous warnings against acts that lead our thoughts from God while blessing the acts that lead us towards Him (Psalm 1). I am going to start taking full advantage of this.

Rob is just a symbol for super fly

My memory to the past is represented by symbols; this is true. For the past few weeks, I have been constantly been reminded of a past person, despite attempts not to. I have been trying to rationally explain why I cannot get the memory of this person from my mind. This is what I came up with: she was around when my life was in a constant flux. From the beginning of our friendship to the last day we talked, I changed so much, in part due to her influence. She symbolizes the fact that I lost over fifty pounds (it is unlikely she would have been attracted to me otherwise), she symbolizes a loss of friends, loss of job, loss of faith (this bothers me the most), a lot of happy times, a lot of sad times, a summer of depression, and financial mishandling. This hits most of the major symbols. When I think about these things, she will ultimately be attached. The question is how do I get away from this. There are a few options that immediately come to mind:

1. Detach her from those memories

2. Find somebody that is as equally a symbol, hopefully more positively

3. Have my memory erased like Jim Carry in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

With time, number one is most likely. Number two will just happen when it happens, and I am not going to rush into anything like that.

I ate with Scott for lunch earlier today at the Hebrewz, actually blowing off Jenna. She and I have the tradition of Hebrewz on Friday. Since she has a boyfriend, it is very important for me to be appropriate in actions. My thoughts are appropriate, but a few weeks ago somebody at Hebrewz mistook her for my girlfriend since we spend so much time together. It isn’t really a big deal, but I don’t want baby-daddy drama, and it is just a morality issue in general. Scott and I just went to shoot the bull and catch up. He’s been out of town for over a week. Ada is just the same as he left it. Scott seems very unhappy and angsty with things. He is also hard to read at times, though. He always struck me as the kind of person who would be much happier in a big city, but he’s perpetually been in smaller towns. He still knows how to laugh at least.

I saw Carissa at the library after lunch. She makes me smile. She is one of the most uncomplicated people I have ever known. We usually have a good time together, even if it’s just in conversation.

The Gnostics were the emos of their day

I am reading The Lost Books of the Bible, which includes a lot of the Gnostic books. I have only read a few of the books, but they offer insight into a lot of early church thinking. I have wondered why Anna was the alleged name of St. Mary’s mother since there is no mention of her in the canonical books of the bible. In just the first two books of this book (Gospel of Mary, and the Protoevangelion of James) there is significant mention of her. There is a short preface at the beginning of each book, explaining some of its history and origins as well as the reason for its rejection from the canon, if it isn’t obvious. The reason for James’ rejection had solely to do with being erroneous in regards to Mary’s age of marriage. The common belief is fourteen; James has it at twelve. The church fathers were rightfully strict. Something else of interest is that there is a very Roman Catholic “spin” to a few things. James is cited to be the cousin of Jesus. Spin is probably an unfair accusation since that assumes James was written after the RCC established him to be Jesus’ cousin and not brother. I am trying to read too much too quickly. This will keep me from getting burned out since it’s very wordy and boring at times; plus, there’s a lot of new information for me to absorb, and I don’t want to skip important details.

I am going to try to get involved in some kind of college ministry over the summer. The summer isn’t exactly the ideal time for college ministries since a lot of students aren’t around and the ministries aren’t as active. If I can get hooked into some small group stuff, I would benefit. Would it be ironic for me to get involved with Trendy? I have a lot of acquaintances and friends already involved, making it a much easier transition. Snowden is a professional Christian, so it goes without saying that he is going to promote his church and ministries, but I would like to talk to him and see what could be offered. Part of my spiritual blues comes from not being apart of a strong Christian community. First Presbyterian’s community is a lot older, and while they are great people with a lot to teach from their own experience, I need contemporaries.

Mary, my step-grandmother, died the other day. I got the news while I was mid-doughnuting. My parents drove to South Carolina not long after telling me, and asked me to drop by the house from time to time to check on the dogs and cat. It was very unexpected. Though she was in her late eighties, she was in fairly good health and didn’t have any debilitating diseases. Of all things, she died of drowning. I’m not sure the complete story on that. She has actually been taking care of my granddad since his heart attack. It would have been much more expected for him to die. My mom has been doing much better lately, and this will likely be a setback to her mental health.

The coffee shop crew ate wings tonight at Applebees. I had three dollars and some change, getting me ten bbq wings and all the free water I could afford. One of Zach’s art professors came, and he looked exactly like I pictured an art master. The staple of every art master is to have plastic framed, square glasses. He was a pretty funny guy, despite my stereotype. One of the qualifications to work at Applebees is to be pregnant. This mostly applies to females. We had one pregnant waitress replaced by another. I wonder the quality of 25 cent chicken wings. Then I eat more wings.

My dear, affectionate uncle

I am rereading The Screwtape Letters. No matter how many times I read it, something new always pops out at me. This time it only took to letter 5 (pg. 21), the beginning of the war. Screwtape suggests that Wormwood give his patient thoughts of the happy past to dwell on. This will remind him just how terrible the present actually is. This reminded me of how I think about the past too much, both the good and the bad. I rehash it over and over again without realizing it and with no reason. This can put me into an unpleasant, unproductive mood that is good for nobody. I need to worry less about the past and the future and live in the present. It is easier said than done, but it is definitely a distraction. I have a good memory and will remember the stories, both good and bad, but I need to make a serious effort to not live vicariously through the past.

After work, I went on a Midnight run. My new running route is very good and versatile enough to be anywhere from 3-4 miles. I have been doing 3.5, 0.5 miles more than my old route. It starts from my house on 16^th, goes south to the intersection at Francis, take the right until it hits 18^th, 18^th to the east side entrance of the park, around the park on the road, back to the east entrance, and back the way I came. I have to go uphill a lot of the way back up 18^th street. I’ve been running them okay and even sprinting some of them if I have the energy.

I had to work late, thus the late and short entry. Tomorrow’s will be more detailed. I have some stuff I want to write.

The FBC Prodigal Son

As promised, I went to my old stomping grounds at First Baptist this morning. I walked through the door and was immediately greeted by somebody I recognized from years ago, only he has a beard now. After walking through another set of doors and being greeted by the three men I did not know, I entered the sanctuary. The ugly red carpet was replaced since the last time I had been in. The pews had a different colored fabric, and the barrier on the balcony that is mean to keep children plunging to their deaths was now clear fiberglass. I called Kathryn while in the parking lot to announce my presence since she didn’t get text messages. I originally was going so she wouldn’t have to go alone, but after three minutes of being alone, I needed somebody. The atmosphere was uncomfortable for me; not necessarily unfriendly, just uncomfortable. Going to keep Kathryn company was done in vain anyhow. She went with her dad. She invited me to sit with them, despite me not really knowing her dad. He and I didn’t even exchange greeting’s. If I was an awkward person it would have been uncomfortable…

It’s Memorial Day weekend. I had kind of forgotten that churches typically like to point that out in some fashion. FBC made sure we knew it by singing nothing but patriotic songs to wake our American spirit up. The orchestra was smaller than I remember, and the choir bigger. Loy Kidwell is not only still alive, but still playing in the orchestra. I think he was on the committee that founded that church. There were two greetings. Perhaps Pat forgot about the first one, which is reasonable. That’s why we Presbyterians have things like that in our liturgy; that way we are never surprised like that. “Jesus’ triumphant return—oh that’s after we sing the doxology.” I saw Andi and Keven and asked if a double greeting was the norm, to which they gave the nay-no.

The first thing Pat did when he got on stage was let a few tears come out, in honor of America no doubt. He confessed no less than three times that America is the greatest nation on earth, each time welcomed with a roar of amen’s. I am not being negative or sarcastic when I say this is such a different atmosphere than I am used to. I remember thinking to myself that America is among the best but probably not the single best. That would lead to a roar of boo’s had anybody said that. Here are some observations from the sermon:

1)Pat outlines everything with numbers
2)Pat outlines everything with numbers
3):)

The sermon was about God’s calling on people, although it was just one sermon in a series on heroes (from Heb. 11). He used Gideon as his example, outlining five traits superb traits he possessed to be worthy of his calling, which was a bit ironic since being ordinary was one of them. Pat spoke very loudly and passionately. If he did get the response he was looking for, he got a little bit irritated and then coached the congregation into saying amen. What can be said? He is definitely a skilled speaker. In social psychology, he takes what is known as the peripheral route to persuasion; that is, he manipulates certain rules of thumb (called heuristics) humans possess. I highly doubt he intentionally knows the social psychology in full detail but just knows what works for him due to years of preaching. And it worked. People were really into what he was saying. People had looks on their faces like they were genuinely changed by his words. One problem of the peripheral route is that it is hard to have long-term effects because it plays on the circumstances and emotions. Anyways, it’s not for me to say how people are effected in a situation like that. It wasn’t a bad sermon. I am so used to David staying behind the podium, almost never moving that it threw me off guard that Pat made use of the entire stage. Pat made a comment about missing church. He congratulated the congregation for showing up since it was a holiday weekend. He went on to say that people on vacation should be ashamed of themselves if they didn’t find a church to go to for the day. He went on to say how his family will ALWAYS go somewhere if they are out of town. He’s so pious… I think he has a bit of a narrow view of what church is, but I agree with him in principle. I only think that it can be carried out differently, not necessarily on Sunday and not necessarily with an organization that is untaxed. He had to clarify what he said so that we wouldn’t think of him as a “mean pastor.” he read from the latter part of Isaiah 58 to reassure us that his position was biblical. There was a moderate applause after this.

After the alter call, we were dismissed. I saw Jeff Carpenter before the service and said a quick goodbye to him. He’s only days away from finishing his studio across from his parent’s house, and informally gave me an invitation to come by this week. I’ll try to go by tomorrow before work I remember. I went by the college Sunday school class for a few minutes to see Jane and a few friends. Before the actual lesson, which was taught by Doug, she gave a very interesting lecture about the date of the Exodus. It was very conspiracy-theory feeling, but she gave good information why she believes that the date was about forty years later than the common view within Christian scholasticism, referencing pharaohs, Moses’ military record, and the short monotheism of Egypt. I left afterwards, not because Doug was speaking; I just hadn’t planned on staying that long as it was.

Hello World!

This is my first post. In what few programming books I have read, the first simple program is usually something along the lines of…

PRINT “Hello World!”

There’s a little history. I wanted to be a computer programmer in my junior high days. I dabbled around with HTML back when it was much simpler and then had my way with Pearl for its internet-scripting abilities and CGI. It was pretty useless for me otherwise; besides, I never was fluent enough in to program without constant referencing.

This is a little bit like deja vu. I transitioned by blog from christianguitar to semper-reformanda within days of writing my original heaven points. Now after writing Happy Points, I hope to stay motivated into blogging again. I honestly think my creativity has declined in recent years as I have become slightly more extroverted. It took a few sit-downs to write Happy Points, whereas I was able to pump the first one out in a few hours. It was just one witty thing after another. There was a lot of staring blankly at the screen this time around. I do have a lot less time as well, which may be another contributing factor. It may be as simple as I am not as creative as I used to be. I remember having to limit blogs to one page maximum because it was easy to go and on.

Kathryn came by the BSU earlier today, joining D.J. Lee, Miranda, and eventually Caleb. She has changed a little bit but not unpredictably. She didn’t come back with a tattoo of a pentagram and five children. It was fun catching up with her. She’s in the nursing program at OU and graduates in May. D.J. has a story going back to high school in which he believes had he done one thing differently, it would have set in a motion of events that would cause them to be married by now. It’s become joke status among a few people. Every time he sees her, he stumbles over himself trying to impress her. Within five minutes of her coming over to the BSU, she tried starting a conversation with him. He replied, “Oh, I couldn’t hear you, I was watching Law & Order. Her response was, “Typical guy…” This set the tone for the rest of the evening with her. She and I started talking and had a pretty good time. Lee kept shooting texts to D.J. trying to give him tips on what to say. After Kathryn left, D.J. asked Miranda what she thought of Kathryn. “I think it went well…for Rob!” I guess paying attention to what a girl says and not watching Law & Order is an attractive quality. Too bad I am not attracted to her.

My living arrangements are going pretty well right now. I don’t see Josh or James hardly at all. Justin is an actual roommate as he is “the guy on the couch” from Half Baked. Since he lives on the couch, he puts his dirty clothes in the corner in the middle room between the living room and kitchen. This made the house smell like rancid butt yesterday afternoon. He is an incredibly nice guy and does random acts of kindness such as washing dishes and…cleaning his smelly mess (probably more common courtesy).

I’m actually going to a First Baptist service after years of being FBC free. It’s kind of ironic since I made a bit of a jab at Pat’s expense in Happy Points. I’m going because Kathryn has nobody to go with and really isn’t “from here” anymore. It’s a friend thing, and I haven’t really seen her in a long time. More on churches next time. It’s late, and I have to get enough sleep to make it to church.