I think my life is a B movie

I locked myself out of my house in a sleepy daze earlier. After going back to sleep for a few hours after work, I woke up at fifteen ’till one. I ate a large bowl of cereal and made my rounds on teh internets. I gathered my laptop and book, The Dead Travel Fast and walked to the coffee shop. It wasn’t until about an hour later when I was walking back up to my house that I reached in my pocket to find my cell phone, a bit of string, but no jingle jangle of my keys. In vain, I turned the doorknob hoping I also forgot to lock it. I didn’t. Meh, I walked to the ECU library hoping they had a Lewis Black book and noticed Abi was working. We exchanged a quick conversation before leaving empty-handed. I walked back to coffee shop, where I am sitting three feet from Jonathon while listening to him play Stick Sniper on his laptop. I’ll walk to the music store and get Purd’s key after writing this. This is only the third or fourth time I’ve locked myself out.

I watched Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter with Caleb last night. This idea was brought about from reading the above The Dead Travel Fast. It’s a pop culture book on vampires. It’s absolutely hilarious how dedicated the author Eric Nuzum is to learning about vampire subculture. He goes goes to several “meetings” with several “vampire” groups (delusional adults that probably have obscure Chinese-character tattoos with no meaning). He goes on vampire tours, talks about the history of vampires, the history Vlad Dracula, is basically an expert on Bram Stoker’s Dracula, travels to England to trace Stoker’s footsteps, and goes so far to even go on a Dracula tour in Romania. On of his side quests in the book is to watch all six-hundred and something movies about vampires. This is when he mentions Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. This is how he describes it:

“It’s a kung fu action movie focusing on Jesus’ Second Coming where he battles a vampire cult for control of the earth. Featuring the taglines: “the first testament says ‘and eye for an eye.’— The second testament says ‘love they neighbor.’—The third testament…KICKS ASS!!!!” and “The Power of Christ Impales You.” When Jesus gets into trouble with the vampire, none other than masked Mexican wrestling legend El Santo shows up to cover his back. And by the way, it’s a musical. “

I quickly found it on the internet for download and watched it with Caleb last night. For me, the best part all the unintentional, non-sequitur humor involved. The plot develops in a completely irrelevant manner, adding to the grandeur. The movie starts out with the strange disappearances of women (all of whom are lesbians) who are turned into day-walking vampires. When a few of the priests notice this, they summon non other than Jesus to save the day. The kung fuery commences with Jesus, Mary Magnum (who later turns into a vampire) and El Santo try to learn the source of the evil, lesbian vampires and then stop them. The sound effects were great, the fight scenes were incredibly cheesy, and the dialogue hardly made sense. They did their own original score, which features such lyrics as “it’s okay, it’s alright, everybody gonna get laid tonight”. The end of the movie was a little bit tainted because it became really preachy about how the Christian church should accept everybody, even lesbians. Still, A+ movie.

Jenna and I at lunch at Oscars yesterday. I ate a $3 meal, consisting of a fried rice and hot and sour soup. Oscars has the ability to make fried rice the densest material in the universe, especially when you get it to go. They pack a box no bigger than six inches tall and three inches thick to weight about ten pounds. For the $1.35 you pay, you can eat fried rice for the rest of the day. Jenna has a jones for their egg roles, saying they’re the best egg roles in town next to Jack in the Box. I convinced her to go to the public library so I can check out Dracula. Nuzum takes a few poignant jabs at those tho are reading his book yet have not read Dracula. Jenna was so amazed with the idea of “renting” books that she got a library card. I have no doubt in my mind that she might one day use it to check out a children’s book. This is not an insult at her; she really likes the same children’s books my three-year old niece, Abbey, likes. She also was amazed at their collection on dvds. What was going to be a five minute visit to the library turned into a thirty minute visit. Carissa was working so we shot the bull with her for a bit. She criticized my book selection (I was not surprised) as being possibly demoniacally-inspired. This fine, objective literary critique based on the name and a few of the black-and-white illustrations found within the book. Meh, I was not really offended; it’s Carissa, and she’s just really sensitive to certain things she sees as threats to Christendom. Dracula joins the list alongside Harry Potter and The Communist Manifesto. I haven’t seen her in a long time, and it was nice to have a conversation with her (not being sarcastic). I told one of her co-workers, Chris, about the movie choice for the evening. He was a bit jealous, having heard about its standing as a cult classic. He also echoed a lot of Dracula’s history for me. Chris is an English major of epic proportions and what seems to be a really cool guy. I have only had conversations here and there with him, usually about books and movies, but it’s always a pleasure.

Caleb already has Spring break planned out. It will be a trip to Las Vegas and Washington. The Las Vegas portion will be the bulk of the trip, while the Washington potion will be for Mike’s wedding. For six people, Caleb came up with a price of $850 minus the cost of shows and food. Since I have eight months to raise the funds, getting the money shouldn’t be a problem. Caleb is very enthusiastic about it. Having never been to Vegas, I imagine I will be too once it gets closer.